Sand Tales
by lavacana
Summary: Hiccup and Jack go to the beach. Rated T for sexual humor, sexual themes, and mature language. It's really just more silly HiJack.


Sand Tales

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**I in no way wish to make a profit from this. I do not own How To Train Your Dragon, Rise of the Guardians, a beach, a mermaid tail, or a sunhat. This is only for educational purposes, and to be a contribution to the HiJack Revolution. Those who can catch it will spot the pun in the title and the hints at a mermaid!AU. This is based off of real-life events. Don't worry, it's not a ghost story.**

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"Okay, how about you bury me?"

Hiccup looked from Jack, then to the sand, before shrugging. "You're the one who's going to get sand in your pants, not me." Jack scoffed and waved his hand at Hiccup, saying, "Kill joy" before dropping to his knees and starting to dig. Hiccup rolled his eyes but smiled, sitting down across from his boyfriend and starting to shovel sand out of the small hole the other was making.

They ended up talking for a while, teasing each other and talking about the most random things ever. Eventually, they got so into the conversation that they forgot what exactly it was they were doing. Once they had a somewhat large hole that only really went a few inches deep, Jack moved inside and laid his legs comfortably in the small puddles of water that rose up from the sand. Hiccup gave him a weird look.

"Did you just seriously climb into the hole I've been working on for the past half hour?"  
"I just remembered we were supposed to bury me."  
"Oh yeah. Ah, screw that, it'll take to long without a shovel. Why don't we just give you a mermaid tail instead?"

Jack frowned a bit and murmured, "kill joy" once again before shrugging and starting to shovel sand onto his legs. The two boys started talking again, jabbing at each other and laughing over the most ridiculous of things. Before long, Jack had a bulky and oddly shaped mermaid sand tail covering his legs. He grinned, smoothing it out, before catching Hiccup's attention.

"Don't I look fabulous right now?" Hiccup, who had been working on the flippers of the tail, looked up and shook his head before smiling. "Oh yes, you look absolutely gorgeous, being half human and half sand." Jack frowned playfully and said, "You're just jealous you don't have a tail like I do." Hiccup snorted once before going back to shaping the flippers. Jack huffed another laugh of his own, looking down at the sand he was smoothing over. Suddenly, an idea popped into his head, and he grinned sneakily.

He shot a look at Hiccup, bit his lip, and then started to draw on his sand tail. A few moments later, he stopped to smooth out his drawing to utmost perfection. Then he put on the silliest sexy face he could think of, jutting out his bottom lip and tilting his head down while raising an eyebrow, before calling, "Hey baby, look what I've got." Hiccup raised his head, staring blankly at Jack for a few seconds before slowly raising his eyebrow. His eyes started to widen and his body automatically started to lean away; that expression on his boyfriend's face was seriously creeping him out. Jack choked on a snicker but quickly regained himself, tilting his head down to the sand tail. Hiccup's eyes flickered down to the sand that was somewhat right above Jack's crotch. There, crudely drawn and without much detail, was a penis.

Hiccup's mouth twitched and wiggled as he tried not to smile. He swallowed, sucked his lip in between his teeth, licked it, and then slowly turned to look Jack in the eyes. The young man was shaking from the effort of not laughing, mouth halfway in a smile but still trying desperately to retain his silly sex face. Hiccup breathed in slowly, wetting his lips once more before continuing, "I see you have a penis on your tail." His voice was dangerously low; Jack nearly broke right then. Instead, he decided to stretch the joke out even more. The white-haired man nodded slowly, trying to get some fake bedroom eyes on. "Yep, and guess what. It is fully functional." With that, Jack cupped a hand around the penis, pretending to stroke it. Hiccup spluttered and bent over laughing, shaking from the funnies of it all. Jack urged him to keep looking, wiggling his eyebrows and even making a creepy smile before he completely dropped the act and burst with laughter. Both boys spent a few minutes snickering and trying to breathe in between bouts of laughter, before Hiccup suddenly switched onto his knees and started to wave in the air with a smile on his face.

"Astrid! Hey, c'mere real quick. Bring the phone with you!" The blonde shot him a middle finger from her spot on her beach towel before slowly getting up and walking over to the two giggling boys. She looked down at them with an annoyed expression, phone in one hand and a sunhat in the other. "What is it? Can't you see I'm trying to get a tan here?" Hiccup waved her off before pointing to Jack. "Take picture. Now. Please." The last part was added once he caught a glimpse of irritation in the girl's blue eyes. She rolled them before looking to Jack, who quickly got back his silly sex face. Astrid raised en eyebrow, then looked from Jack's face, to his tail, to his face, to the sand penis, to th–Oh. Jack just nodded, noticing that she'd seen his drawing. "Yeeep… and check this out." Slowly, he pretended to stroke it again, licking his lips for extra effect. Hiccup choked on his laugh and fell to the side, snickering like a mad man. Astrid cracked a smile, shaking her head and putting on her sunhat before tapping away at her phone.

Jack actually managed to keep his laughter at bay through all three photos, doing different poses of fake sexy faces and stroking his sand penis, one showing him as if he was letting it all hang loose proudly. Then he couldn't help it anymore and laughed so hard his head actually snapped back before falling forward. He wanted to roll around from how hard he was laughing, but that would ruin his tail so he had to try and stay still. Astrid took a picture of both her boys laughing, before chuckling a little and walking away. She paused once, and turned around to say "You'd better not start having fish sex.", before going back to tanning, smiling at the renewed sounds of laughter bubbling from her two best friends.

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**I had two friends who played the role of Hiccup and Astrid perfectly. My sister was there too, but this was a oneshot so I tried minimizing it. I'm proud to say I was Jack in that scenario. All the laughs we had from it was soooo worth the dirty looks everyone else at the beach gave us. And I just had to HiJack it because how the hell can you not HiJack that.**


End file.
